The following letter to my past self is raw and will probably not be grammatically correct. I think it makes it more powerful that way. Thank you for reading!
***
Dear Chris in 2013,
My name is Chris as well. I
am from the future. I am you and you are me. I just wanted to take some to
compose a letter to you about what I have learned over the last three years and
to encourage you to make the same decisions (if not a little better) over
again.
2013 is difficult for you.
You are involved at your job (Dillons) and you want to move up within the
company, but you also want to become an English teacher. Around this time, you
are feeling the overwhelming feeling that there are still two years of college
left. And I’m sorry to inform you, but it is going to turn into three more
years. Please, please! Don’t scream at me. I’m sorry. I did the best I could,
but let me explain what is going on.
Today is Monday, July 29,
2013 (your birthday is on Wednesday). I realize that you are waking up with a
numb feeling throughout your body today because last night, you found out that
Grandma Paula was driving back from Oklahoma with your uncle, aunt, and cousins
and there was an accident. You found out that the van skid off the highway and
rolled three times. You found out that Grandma Paula’s head collided with
something (the window, you still don’t know, or even understand) and her neck
snapped. She died immediately. Your uncle, aunt, and cousins were flown with
injuries to three separate hospitals.
Everything is crashing down
around you. The walls are crumbling. You’ve experienced death, but not like
this. This is the first time that someone close to you has passed away, someone
that you remember being babysat by, that helped you build log houses when you
were little, that played “Clue” over and over with you again, and that would
watch all of your favorite movies with you. This is someone that made you laugh
and made you a better person. Someone that you loved. And now she’s gone.
In the midst of all this
tragedy, you’ve gotten a new job. You’ve finally been promoted at Dillons to
Assistant Customer Service Manager. You are supposed to start core 1 in the
fall, but you won’t. And that’s okay. At first, you may think you made the
wrong decision. You may think that delaying your graduation by a year was a bad
idea. Trust me, it won’t be.
It is April 2014. You are
struggling with whether or not you want to continue in your pursuit of being a
teacher. You don’t think it is your calling anymore. You think that you should
stay with Dillons and move up. You decide to switch to an English degree. This
is the wrong decision.
It is August 2014. You realize
you’ve made the wrong decision. Essentially, you’ve fucked up. Thank God there
are people like Katie Mason (soon to be Cramer) who help get you back in at the
last minute. You have to take Cultural Issues in the spring, but that’s okay.
So, you start core 1. You
find out about major assignments that you have to do. They are called FER’s
(field experience requirements). You freak out. How can you complete these? Don’t
worry, you will. You get to core 2 and are taking 20 credit hours (way to many
dude). You are also doing your core 2 practicum and working 40 hours a week at
Dillons. You think you need to step down from Dillons. You don’t. You will drop
one class (it’s okay…) and you will keep going. You will succeed and you do.
Finally, we get to what you’ve
been waiting for. That last year. The year of student teaching. You are
internally freaking out because you are suddenly afraid of getting in front of
the class and teaching full-time. But you can do this. You will flourish. Your
supervisors will tell you how much you have flourished. You will pass the
praxis, the PLT, and the KPTP. You will do it! You will have to step down from
your full-time job, but that’s okay. You’ll be fine.
And in the end, that person
that you lost…she’ll be proud of you. I know she will. I know I am.
Best of luck,
Chris
